I Am Real for Me Right Now

So what if I’m a ghost right now?

I could be a nobody. Maybe I don’t matter. Maybe I’m a loser. Maybe my life is garbage. Maybe I am just a figment in someone else’s imagination.

Maybe I just stole this body, this life. Maybe I don’t deserve this. Maybe I’m not meant to be here. Maybe I’m not part of God’s plan, of any plan. Maybe nobody cares for me.

BUT I AM REAL FOR ME RIGHT NOW. I CARE ABOUT HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW.

I AM THRILLED TO BE IN THIS BODY RIGHT NOW. I LOVE THE WARMTH OF THE SUN ON MY FACE RIGHT NOW. HOW MY BODY IS SHAPED. HOW MY BREATH ESCAPES. I LOVE HOW MY EYELASHES FLUTTER. AND THESE FEET! I CAN RUN ON TIPTOES WITH THESE FEET! AND MY LAUGHTER – HOW THEY BOUNCE AND BLAST AROUND ME.

I JUST WANT TO BE IN THE HERE AND NOW. I LOVE THE HERE AND NOW. Even if my lifetime is just for a second.

I wanna be who I am right here, right now. I wanna open up. I wanna be an idiot right now. I wanna lose control right now. I wanna be so full and yet so fleeting right now.

Maybe I just stole this life. Maybe I don’t deserve this.
But what would I not do to be here? What would I not risk?

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