What we do for others and what happens to them are, most of the time, not related. Each person is autonomous. We all have the power to choose for ourselves.
We can lavish someone with love, we can take care of them and they can still choose to abandon themselves. We can provide them with all the nurturing that we think they need and they can still choose to be unwell. We can offer them opportunities to move to a better place, based on our perspective, and they can still choose to stay where they are or even regress to their old ways.
We have to feel free in offering love, but doing so includes setting healthy boundaries. In order to give unconditionally, we must know where we end and where another person begins. We must be aware of what is ours and what isn’t.
Loving another includes honoring their freedom to choose for themselves.
It becomes suffocating – and not liberating – for both parties when we get attached to outcomes, when instead of focusing on giving, we are driven to prove that we are right. Then it becomes an ego trip. Then we get frustrated. We feel rejected. We become resentful.
There is no reason to take things personally or judge other people’s choices if they’re somewhat different from what we prefer. Love is always offered, but it is also always an option to receive it.