Transforming Relationships


Our point of attraction in each moment falls in a spectrum between the light and the shadow aspects of ourselves. Experiencing all these aspects is necessary for our evolution and path to wholeness.

We connect with people and situations based on our point of attraction. Hence, some relationships can be “light-based” while some can be “shadow-based” – all have a purpose in our healing.

Light-based relationships feel stable and inspiring. The point of attraction between/among the individuals is their “light” aspects or their strengths and things about themselves they have accepted, hence there is a lightness to them. The individuals involved know what they want and are capable of communicating them most of the time. There is usually a balance in giving and receiving. The relationship usually gives birth to new joyful experiences. Parting ways tend to be amicable as well.

On the other hand, shadow-based relationships tend to be chaotic and intense because the point of attraction is the individuals’ “shadow” aspects or their weaknesses, wounds or things about themselves they’ve rejected. These are aspects of themselves they may not even be aware of or they are consciously suppressing. They are passionate because this level of intensity is needed to bring the hidden to the surface to be healed. Sexual energy is creative energy and it is key in giving birth to new realities. They are usually chaotic because the individuals involved haven’t yet mastered these aspects of themselves, hence, they allow them to “run wild”, resulting in feelings of (or literally) being pushed, pulled, dragged, smothered or smashed all over the place.

Relationships fall in the spectrum so they would all have some light and shadow-based aspects in them. A light-based relationship can turn into a shadow-based one and vice-versa.

What enables us to transform a shadow-based relationship into a light-based one is Choice.

We can choose to be aware of what’s coming to the surface, we can choose how to deal with it. We can choose to take the lead and not be led by our emotions and thoughts. We can redefine the relationship and choose to see how it is serving us, we can choose how it unfolds and how we participate in its unfoldment. The sky is the limit in terms of how much individuals can grow in a relationship and how much the relationship can transform. All it takes is making a choice – consistent, conscious choice in accordance with the highest good of all individuals involved. This is the essence of commitment.

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