When we don’t own all aspects of ourselves – our wounds, our desires, our needs, our soul’s unique expression – we’ll continue to project them onto others. We will choose friends and lovers based on our assumptions of their capabilities to provide us with what we are lacking or what we need more of. We’ll dissolve our boundaries. We’ll become manipulative. We will feed on them – consciously or not. We’ll always be assessing whether what they are giving us is enough. When things don’t go our way we’ll blame it on them. When they are not able to provide us with what we need, we’ll make it about them. We will give too much and lash out when they can’t do the same for us. We’ll take it personally. We’ll get easily offended. We’ll turn them into our source of nourishment. We’ll think we need them for our survival.
When we outsource our responsibility to ourselves, we’ll continue crafting our relationships to stroke each other’s egos. We’ll depend on other people for our self-esteem, happiness, clarity, peace of mind, abundance, fulfillment, purpose, passion.
Because we’re always on the look-out for our survival, and we think it is in their hands, we’ll never let them have the space to be themselves. We’ll always have them on a leash. Authentic communication cannot take place. Our relationships cannot be truly about love and growth, instead, we’ll be a burden to each other, a cross to bear.
We should take a good look at the meanings we attach to other people’s behavior – and how they relate to what we have going on inside us. We have to double-check how we define our relationships. We need to use our relationships as a mirror to show us what we might need to recognize, remember, understand, heal and integrate within ourselves. Lastly, we need to question our assumptions of what we can and can’t provide ourselves with, and why we think so.