An ode to that breakdown that never comes

cloudheadgirl

This is an ode to that breakdown that never comes.

Because I’m too busy.

Because I’m too scared for a real meltdown.

Because I’ve done it before.

It takes a lot more effort to clean up the mess and get back up again,

than prevent it from happening at all cost.

This is an ode to that breakdown that never comes.

Because I care more about what other people think,

or what’s important to them

than what is for me.

This is an ode to that “No” that never comes –

out of my mouth,

the voice that slowly fades out

my lungs getting weaker

and weaker each time

I choose to turn away

and swallow my own power.

This is an ode to that girl inside me

who won’t push back

even at the cost

of her own suffocation.

This is an ode to that clarity that never comes,

because I’m too scared

to even admit – to choose it

to own it

because I know

I would have to give everything up

if that’s what I want.

What if I say, that’s what I want?

Audio version:

Music by Ketsa – Tired Thoughts

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